


Bilbo Knows

by Thatweirdpup



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Happy, M/M, Other, Pain, Slow Build, hunger, on going, some angst at parts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2018-10-11 13:32:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10466181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatweirdpup/pseuds/Thatweirdpup
Summary: Bilbo knows more about the world then the company knows





	1. Bilbo knows pain

Bilbo knew pain. He knew the pain of losing those close to him, of wishing death to himself. He knows the pain of self loathing and of great sadness. He no longer had someone, or something to rely on. He started to forget what being happy felt like, for it seemed that his only friend to be found was sadness.

 

He knew the other hobbits thought him to be strange, wild, and not to be trusted. They would whisper behind his back, while by his side, and to his face. They told  _ him _ to hide his crazy, that  _ he _ was raised better than this, that what example is  _ he _ showing to all the little ones. 

 

What else was he supposed to do? Just forget?

Instead he took to talking to the moon, talking to lost love high above. 

 

Bilbo had fallen to love early in life, he loved deeply and true. 

 

It was a painful type of love. 

 

Crushing and real. 

 

It was the type of love that left you in pure blissful agony. When it was gone you would  never be sure to laugh, cry or both. The one that made you run barefoot in a storm, yelling out your pain. Screaming like an arrow through the chest. It changes you. This type of love. 

 

****

 

_ “You are crazy, Padma! There is no way we can ever make that jump.” _

_         “Really, should I tell Mrs. Belladonna Took that YOU said there is something we can never do? HMM?”  _

_ He rolled his eyes like he did every time she did this.  _

_ “Fine! Fine! But when I die I’m haunting you.”  _

_          “Deal.” She smiled brightly and held out her hand him to grab.  _

 

_ **** _

She was the one that pushed the Took out of him, that made him become adventuress. She was the one that made him love the world around them. Padma, the real reason he could never be just another hobbit. It was her that made him extraordinary.  

 

They learned to be free. They did the things hobbits should not do. They were molded for each other, usually could be seen touching. They made crude jokes, they were taught to fight by the Men, and they grew to be unafraid. They would go on journeys to learn the ways of others. 

 

_ **** _

_ The ground beneath his feet was hard and rough, but he was happy. He loved days like today, sunny and beautiful. Padma, his ma and him had decided it would the perfect day to go to the market, of course not the close by one, no this one would take a week to get to. That did not matter though. _

 

_ They were joined by a small group of men and woman heading to the same place as them. He befriended a small man with short brown hair named Zaccai. He learned of his family and of a custom of theirs called Amicus.  _

 

_ “Amicus is different for most cultures, but most have some form of it. I know that with Dwarves you say just the first name, and with elves they bow and nod to one another. With us men it's always different, we exchange small simple gifts from where I am from, but Vilmar and his brothers give ale, Silva always gives new friends a kiss on the cheek, and some just give a handshake.”  _

_ “Hobbits give flowers. But it’s just not for friendship. To us flowers are a language, each flower means something different.”  _

 

_ “Sowhat flower did you give that lass of your? Hmm?” Zaccai said with a smirk.  _

 

_ “Oh a Amaryllis and a yellow Rose.” He smiled and continued “They mean a beautiful friendship.”  _

 

_ Zaccai’s faced morphed to confusion.  “Why not just give her one for love? It is plain to see she loves you with a great passion.” _

 

_ “She does. And I love her, with all my being, just not in the way you believe it be. I believe it to be so that we will grow old together, as will our future spouses.” _

 

****

The flowers he placed on her grave would be the ones he would remember for ever, as one who would never be a proper hobbit, he engraved them on his skin. An  Azalea, a pink Carnation, Hyacinth in purple, and a yellow Tulip. All meanig different things, but to him they would mean the things he couldn't say her. 

 

He wished he could have her back, to hold her alive in his arms, instead of dead. To be able to turn back time and he would never had suggested to climb that damn mountain. But wishing never worked. So he talked to the moon, and when the moon was away he would sit on his bench, smoke a pipe and listen to the sun, and remember her. 

  
  


 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Azalea Take Care of Yourself for Me, Temperance, Fragile Passion  
> Carnation (Pink) I'll Never Forget You  
> Hyacinth (Purple) I am Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Sorrow  
> Tulip (Yellow) There's Sunshine in Your Smile
> 
> I have a small plan on where this fic is going.  
> I wanted to write a fic where Bilbo lived a full life before he ever met the Company. Some of it will be sad, some of it will be happy.


	2. Bilbo knows hunger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo knows hunger

Bilbo knows hunger.

 

It was one of those that he became used to. He understands the dull pain that swells in the empty pit of your stomach. He has lived with one meal a day. He has lived with no meals at all. 

 

He can recall learning to focus on things other than his hunger. He would look towards to the journey ahead of him, how the sun heated up his cheeks, and how he was happy. Well these were the times when he was hungry, yet happy. 

 

Bilbo knew hunger in a way that no one should, and yet there always someone that will. It would remind him of a sad song. 

 

After  _ she _ had died he would still keep spare potions of food on him, it became ingrained, second nature... He would hide them like a rodent, in his jacket, around the house and any other little place. He began to fill, and always keep filled, his pantry. So in a way he would never be hungry again, it was a waste. He would not eat it all, no not when it was just him, alone. 

 

_ **** _

_ Their first journey started out well. Until they reach the river that is. She was nearly right, they almost made the leap. But tiny legs were just that, and so they fell into the roaring river. They were taken down way farther than they had ever been before. Two little halfings, lost in a world much bigger than them.  _

 

_ “Padma! Oh dear.”  _

_ They had made it to a softer part of the river and climb out, he wished he knew what to do. But as Padma sat next to him coughing all he could hope to do, is try not to make matters worse. He hugged her and whispered nothing, they just let their fear leave.  _

 

_ A near death experience makes you think about all the things in your life. Who you are, and where you are going.  _

 

_ They both laid down on the soft grass, soaking wet, breathing hard, and yet he could not help but chuckle. He laughed like he hasn't since before his father's death. He laughed like a child, the child he still is, fully and free. He turned to his new found friend and smiled brightly.  _

 

_ “I guess my Ma would be proud of us for trying.”    _

 

_ Padma nodded in agreement.  _

 

_ It took them three days to wander back to the shire. Three days surviving on berries they found on day two. It was the first time Bilbo found a new way to live. He was hungry but happy.  _

_ **** _

 

The sound of his bell had confused him. All the other hobbits keep their distance from him. So who would ever be here at this time of night? He rose from his dining table and made his way to his door, for the first time wishing it had a peep hole. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but it was never a Dwarf. 

 

The Dwarf was tall, in place of hair on the top of his head he had tattoos. His hair started just above of his ears and was grown long. He had a long mustache and a even longer beard. There was a hard look in his eyes. 

 

“Dwalin.” He bowed. “At your service.” 

 

Bilbo was dumbfound. He might have been raised as a Took but he still had manners. 

 

“Bilbo uh Bagins, at yours.” 

 

The dwarf, Dwalin made a move to enter his home. He couldn’t be sure but maybe he meant no disrespect, but under no circumstance do you enter a Hobbits home without being invited in first. 

 

He moved in front of the much larger fellow, “Excuse YOU! What in Yavannas name do you think you are doing. How dare you try to enter my home!” 

 

The dwarf tried to make himself seem larger the he was, more intimidating, if that could even ever be possible. His eye grew cold, and his hand went to his weapon. A normal hobbit would have at least backed down a tad bit at this. Bilbo stood taller. 

 

“Is this not the meeting place! What is gandalf playing at!” 

 

Gandalf? That damn wizard. He knew when he that blasted man approached him yesterday about adventures and such it was not going to be good. Can't turn this poor fellow away now, could he? No Padma and Belladonna would roll in there graves. 

 

“Oi. No need to get angry. This is the place.” Bilbo says. “Word of advice. Never enter a Hobbits home without permission. Some of us will die for our homes.” 

 

Bilbo watched as the Dwarf deflated, and nodded at him. “So will us Dwarfs.” 

 

Well, good to know. 

 

Bilbo stepped back, opening the door for the stranger. He motioned with his other hand for the Dwarf to enter. “Welcome to Bag End.” Bilbo said with a smile full of pride. 

 

With the door closed behind them, he was not sure what to do. 

 

“Uh what exactly did Gandalf say would be here?” he asked looking at Dwalins face. The was a slight change in it, microscopic, really. 

 

That was the look. He thought to himself. He waved his hand to whatever Dwalin was about to say. 

 

“My, where are my manners. Would you join me for dinner?” 

 

Again an ever so slight change, and the slightest nod. 

 

With that that made their way to the kitchen. “I had just finished the fish, it might be a little cold now.” Bilbo says while pulling out the chair across from is. Dwalin hesitated for just a moment, but then sat down. 

 

Bilbo begins to babble away while he makes Dwalin a plate. It feels good to talk with someone who is listening, again. It's been a while. 

 

****

_ They walked, and walked, and walked, and walked. It felt like forever to there young pudgy bodies. Pudgy was a natural state for a Hobbit. Anything less then round was considered sickly for them. Food was one of their most coveted comforts. Seven meals during the day being the proof for that.  _

 

_ He felt his stomach start to feel...empty. He could hear it pleading with him for food, for something, anything at this point. That was odd. It was a strange thing to a Hobbit. He looked over to padma and could see she wasn’t doing much better. He wished he could do something to take her mind of it. And he figured there was.  _

 

_ “Hmm. This is going to be one heck of a story to tell Ma, don’t cha think? I bet she is going to love every second of it.”  _

 

_ They talked for a long while, he learned a lot about his new friend. Why she was staying with them in the first place. Why she felt she did not belong with her family, how like him, she had wild blood in him. Took blood. While they were in no way related, it was a bond for them.  _

 

_ The hunger was still there in the back of both of their minds, but it was better now. _

 

_ **** _

 

He smiled at the memory. When he came back to the present he saw Dwalin giving him a look, of something. He wasn't sure, but it was almost friendly. He moved to hi side of the table and sat down. He took his lemon and squeezed it on his fish as he had almost down before the interruption. 

 

The sound of the bell hit his ears again. He looked towards Dwalin for possible answers. 

 

“That’ll be the door.” is the only thing the Dwarf said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo Hoo second chapter is done.   
> So Bilbo was raised a Took so he has more fire in him. 
> 
> This story is unbeta so my mistakes are mine. 
> 
> What else should Bilbo know? 
> 
> Little by little the story will explain different things.


	3. Bilbo knows Fear

Bilbo knows Fear.

He knows fear like a child does, afraid of darkness and the boogie man. He knows it as an adult as well, of being alone and living life.

Fear binds him to his home, it makes him guarded and ready to flee. Bilbo fears moving on and forgetting all the times they had together. But most of all he fears not becoming the Hobbit she would want him to be.

 

_********_

_“They came to visit, and Padma was on edge. Like him, she was scared that they would take her back, make her leave, tear the new found family they made apart._

_He was fearful that she would want to go with them. That maybe this Hobbit Hole wasn't good enough, wasn't what she needed._

_He had to hold back his tears and be brave._

_His mother told them “Its okay to be afraid, everyone is afraid of something. It's what makes us alive. Just be brave and conquer it. Take control of it, even if you stutter, struggle or cry. Fear live in us all, but so does strength.”_

_She didn't leave then”_

_**********_

 

“Am I late?”

That was the question that drove fear into Bilbo. What did that blasted half assed wizard think he was doing. Inviting Dwarves to his home, disrupting his grieving heart and ruining his dinner.

It's not there fault though, they didn't know this trick the Wizard was playing.

“Actually early, only one other has arrived. Follow me.” He leads Balin to the dining room. He is unhappy by what he sees though. The big Dwarfs hand stuck in his cookie jar.

“DWALIN! How dare you take from me without asking.” Bilbo walks over and takes the Dwarf by his ear, pulling him along his home and to the door. Letting go just long enough to pull the jar off, and placing it down. “You will be allowed back in to Bag End when you learn some manners!” He opens the door and pushes him out.

Bilbo see two young dwarfs that look familiar standing there with wide eyes.

_******_

_“She stood up for them and that made her there friend. Her young sons looked as ready to stand up for Bilbo and Padma as their mother. They were a family you shouldn't mess with, a family that made you feel at home._

_Dis invited them for food, offering them a place to stay for the night. The place was smaller than Bag End with more people. They had little but offered it to them just the same._

_The young boys so curious about the Hobbits.  Asking a million questions about how they lived, eager to learn all about the new friends._

 

_In turn Bilbo and Padma were given information about the world of Dwarves, something very few outsiders would ever be gifted with._

_The family would always have a place in Bag End. A place to call home even if for just a  night.”_

_******_

 

“Fili. Kili. It's been awhile boys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its been a while...
> 
> But anyway here is the third chapter. 
> 
> PipersLostChild suggested fear.


End file.
